Smile and win

Here at Oakley’s we enjoy a smile during the day. So if you’ve got a joke (clean please!), a witty saying, a funny or intriguing photo or film, or a tale that amuses you, email it along with your name, to smile@oakleysfueloils.co.uk   The senders of any that are published on this page will go into a monthly draw for a bottle of wine.

Here are a few to get you started:

One-liners delivered by the late comedian Tommy Cooper:

• Two blondes walk into a building……….you’d think at least one of them would have seen it.
• I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
• I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, ‘No, the steaks are too high.’
• My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
• Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it.

Watch The Other ‘Royal’ Wedding… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kav0FEhtLug&feature=youtu.be

Some Anonymous quotations:

• Don’t get annoyed if your neighbour plays his hi-fi at two o’clock in the morning. Call him at four and tell him how much you enjoyed it.
• Memory and teeth grow weaker with time.
• The wicked do well in this world, and saints do well in the next.
• Conscience: the thing that feels bad when everything else is feeling good.

Check back regularly to see what’s new!